The Depression is back 10/20/16

0b46adbb4798786c0f1f716b21a8a658How ironic my last blog was about finding true happiness.

Last Wednesday I felt my Bipolar blues come to haunt me again.  I did everything I could to hold them off, but to no avail they stuck.  I was still positive that I could fight it off.  The next day my Dr. Wrote me a script for a steroid dose pack to try to get rid of the fluid that has taken residence in my left ear, and the hearing loss it has caused.  The day after I started the steroids, I started spiraling down to the point of no return.  I was not longer able to take care of myself, my home, and even worse….my children.  My husband tried to be supportive by taking over and letting me try to sleep it off Friday and Saturday.  But the impending doom feeling took up residence with no end in sight.  I just laid around and cried.  My thoughts kept returning to wanting to end my life.  I never made a plan, I just kept telling myself I can not live like this anymore.  I cannot keep having simple things like just getting out of bed, or showering, even changing clothes be impossible to tackle.  I even scared my husband and mom so bad, they sent Nana to pick up my 3 1\2 year old until I could recover.  I can’t keep living like this.  I can’t keep hurting my husband and children.

Today a week later, the dark sadness has lifted to where I am not crying constantly, and where I am not sleeping most of the 24 hours in a day.

I am holding on for my children and husband.  I am holding on for the 4 more days until I can go to my psychiatrist appointment on the 26th.

I am seriously considering shock therapy.  I will be discussing my options at my appointment.  Any thoughts, or success stories on this subject would be much appreciated.

Pray for me,                                 Erika

4 thoughts on “The Depression is back 10/20/16”

  1. Please reconsider ECT. I had my only sliver of self control, self worth & dignity taken away by it. You’re put to sleep and then stuff happens to you and you’ve no idea what. It was akin to being raped for me which = PTSD and massive anxieties. I hope you’re improving & ect isn’t on the cards xx

  2. I’m glad your sadness has lifted slightly, and I hope your psychiatrist appointment went well. I suffer from depression too, though I’ve never seen anyone about it. I’ve always been to stubborn to go. It sounds like you have an amazing though, hopefully with their support you can get stronger everyday x

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