Day 2 of my fight against bipolar depression

Good morning, every night I go to bed with the last thought of: Which Bipolar am I going to wake up with tomorrow: Manic, Hypo manic, or Depression?  Good news is today I am well, great almost, which experts will describe as Hypo manic.

Bipolar disorder is a mental health condition where people experience extreme highs, called mania, and INTENSE periods of sadness, called depression.  These phases are called episodes.  These episodes can shift rapidly.  Undiagnosed symptoms can interfere with school, work, and relationships.

When someone is experiencing the highs they feel overly excited and energized… or could be said “feeling on top of the world.”  Some people experience hypo mania, it is a less severe form of mania, examples: extremely friendly, out going, very productive, and feeling incredibly good.  ( I bounce back and forth from hypo mania and depression, with few episodes of mania thrown in.)  In hypo mania people feel like they are getting better and rarely seek help…this is what took me so long to seek treatment.

Symptoms of mania include:

Racing thoughts, high self esteem, talking quickly, not sleeping much, trouble concentrating, extreme forgetfulness, poor judgement, risky behaviors like drugs, stealing money or things, spending a lot of money, sex with strangers, skipping school or work.

The lows (or depression) can be extremely debilitating.  Symptoms include:

Extreme sadness, guilt, or hopelessness, low self esteem, extreme exhaustion or feeling full of lead, loss of interest in activities used to enjoy, basic household needs seem impossible, hygiene feels impossible, extreme forgetfulness of the past or recent thoughts or moments, chronic physical pain without illness, sometimes even leaving the house seems impossible …basically desires, motivation, and self worth DISAPPEAR.

Bipolar II (my diagnosis) ratio of mania to depression is 40 to 1.   (UNBELIEVABLE isn’t it?

So basically UP ME..gets everything done, is happy, and enjoys life…….while DOWN ME..wakes up with negative thoughts, feels glued to bed or couch, everything from chores to hygeine feels impossible, I  dislike everything, my body feels so heavy like it is full of lead, and from the moment my eyes open I only look forward to bedtime.

With my daily routine, group therapy, psychiatrist, and watching out for my triggers is my plan of attack for this disease.

So again today I am great, I’m talking on the phone, and getting things done.  HOORAY!!!


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