The Depression is back 10/20/16

0b46adbb4798786c0f1f716b21a8a658How ironic my last blog was about finding true happiness.

Last Wednesday I felt my Bipolar blues come to haunt me again.  I did everything I could to hold them off, but to no avail they stuck.  I was still positive that I could fight it off.  The next day my Dr. Wrote me a script for a steroid dose pack to try to get rid of the fluid that has taken residence in my left ear, and the hearing loss it has caused.  The day after I started the steroids, I started spiraling down to the point of no return.  I was not longer able to take care of myself, my home, and even worse….my children.  My husband tried to be supportive by taking over and letting me try to sleep it off Friday and Saturday.  But the impending doom feeling took up residence with no end in sight.  I just laid around and cried.  My thoughts kept returning to wanting to end my life.  I never made a plan, I just kept telling myself I can not live like this anymore.  I cannot keep having simple things like just getting out of bed, or showering, even changing clothes be impossible to tackle.  I even scared my husband and mom so bad, they sent Nana to pick up my 3 1\2 year old until I could recover.  I can’t keep living like this.  I can’t keep hurting my husband and children.

Today a week later, the dark sadness has lifted to where I am not crying constantly, and where I am not sleeping most of the 24 hours in a day.

I am holding on for my children and husband.  I am holding on for the 4 more days until I can go to my psychiatrist appointment on the 26th.

I am seriously considering shock therapy.  I will be discussing my options at my appointment.  Any thoughts, or success stories on this subject would be much appreciated.

Pray for me,                                 Erika

Is it Mania or pure happiness (Week5&6)


These last couple of weeks I haven’t written.  But the good news is after my last few days of returning to Bipolar Darkness, as I like to call it, I broke free of it and have been a new woman on top of the world.  I’m not going to be negative and label it Mania or hypo mania,  I’m just calling it true happiness.

I do what needs to be done everyday, keeping up with my daily routine ( on another post,) I enjoy every chore and fun thing I do for fun.  It’s been so many years since I’ve felt like this, im not even waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I had an epiphany two weeks ago when I realized if I would have been diagnosed when I was in Jr. High and learned: warning signs, triggers, and the many steps I’ve recently learned to combat the depression I would have saved myself and my family a world of heartache and pain.  This epiphany led me to research what this town I live in (Franklin County, Missouri) has in the way of teen depression and suicide prevention awareness, and peer support groups.  And there isn’t much.  I am now on a mission to change that.

I have started the Y.S.O.S  (Your Struggle…Our Struggle) MOVEMENT.  My first step was starting a teen online community where I can listen and offer support to teens who feel all alone in their depression.  What I found were alot of teens who will not get professional help because they don’t trust the 1 on 1 environment.  I have also found they think they are all alone, that noone else understands them, not even their parents.   This information has led me to my next step of starting the ONLY Teen Peer Depression Support group in our area.

After this gets going I have so many plans from parent support groups to parent and community education classes on the subject.

1 out of 8 teens are depressed, and only 1 out of 5 seek professional help.

This is an epidemic in our society from teens severely injuring themselves by cutting to every 15 minutes another teen commits suicide in our country.

If you feel compassionate about this and want to help me in this please go to my GOFUNDME link and help out